Father–son relationships in Israeli military families from the perspective of adult sons

Objective: This research examines the experience of father–son relationships from the perspective of Israeli men whose fathers served as career combat officers. Background: Military families in general, and children in particular, face unique challenges in dealing with conflicting demands of two “greedy institutions,” military and family. Method: This study is an interpretative phenomenological analysis of in-depth interviews with 12 Israeli men, aged 25 to 49 years, who were sons of combat officers who served at least 15 years in the Israeli military. Results: Five themes were identified through the men's responses: (a) father as idealized figure, (b) rationalizing father's distant stance, (c) absence of fear for father's safety, (d) role reversal: taking responsibility for the father–son relationship, (3) shifts in the relationship after father's retirement from the military. Conclusion: The unique life experience of military children as expressed in our findings is presented through the lens of Bozormenyi-Nagy's (1987) contextual theory of the family. Participants exhibited “invisible loyalties”—complex, often contradictory feelings toward the father and his military career. Some strived to establish relationships very different from the one they had with their father but had difficulty doing so. Others voiced a balanced assessment of the benefits and “price” of being a military child and proceeded to develop relationships without being burdened by the military legacy. Implications: This work provides insight for the provision of group activities sponsored by the military for fathers and sons and for those who offer counseling services for young adult military children even after the father's retirement.